hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
