Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
