Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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