Pants 0. Shit 1.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
