sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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