The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
