And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
