So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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