his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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