Your dad touched me again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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