Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
