life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Farmville is her only friend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
