My sheets look like a crime scene.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Are we still banned from the library?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
