don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
cat food counts as protein by the way
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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