In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
