I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize