There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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