I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
