I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
