Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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