She is in my trunk
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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