He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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