This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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