why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
