All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
