hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
