I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
