yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
