I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i love accidental penises.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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