Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
