my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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