I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
