I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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