the condom got lost in my hair
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
