If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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