Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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