They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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