i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
