do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
