At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
