OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
