Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
