All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize