great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
