my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
