And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
