So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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