Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
