Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
