you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
