ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
