i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
