I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize