college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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