Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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