Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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