I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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