so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize