what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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