I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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