Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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