let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
