I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
