we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
