just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
