I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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